2014 NFL Power Rankings – Week 3
Hey guys, Rob here, and it is my turn to write the opening. However, in lieu of a short paragraph describing why my rankings are better than Stan’s, here are a list of quotes that Stan has made about the Bucceneers over the past four weeks:
- “Don’t be surprised if the Lovie Smith-led Buccaneers make some noise.”
- “The defense is going to be pretty good all around.”
- “Like their offense. Love the defense though. Super underrated.”
- “Pretty underrated defense.”
- “Call me crazy but I believe in Tampa. I believe in this defense.”
- “Now they get to play Atlanta’s terrible defense. If they can’t score this week on Thursday Night Football, I’ll drop em to 33. “
- “If you took the best players from the ’00 Ravens, the ’06 Steelers, and the ’13 Seahawks, and then added Ronnie Lott, Deion Sanders, and Deacon Jones, you will have almost as good of a defense as this Bucs team.”
Okay, I made that last one up. But the first six were direct quotes. Ladies and gentlemen, Stan Talouis.
*Round of applause*
Stan
35. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-3) – So remember when I said I’d drop the Bucs to 33 if they didn’t light up the Falcons defense? Well, I’m a man of my word. In fact, I dropped them to 35 because they wore those godawful jerseys. I believed in you, Tampa…and you let me down.
31. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-3) – The best part of this game is that the hags finally decided to bench that bum Chad Henne for the future bum Blake Bortles. Actually I like Bortles and he played alright for a guy making his first NFL start.
30. Oakland Raiders (0-3) – This team is so bad. So so bad. All they had to do is score a touchdown and they couldn’t even do that. One touchdown. What a disaster.
29. Tennessee Titans (1-2) – I’m starting to think that Ken Whisenhunt should be an offensive coordinator and not a head coach. He didn’t do a good job getting his guys ready for this game. The offense didn’t score until the fourth quarter and really put the defense in tough situations all day. And letting Andy Dalton score on a receiving touchdown is inexcusable.
28. St Louis Rams (1-2) – Where’s Dennis Green when we need him? This loss warrants a nice long rant. They had the Cowboys right where they wanted them…and they let them off the hook.
27. Washington Redskins (1-2) – I know this team is bad but the fact that Kirk Cousins just styled all over the Eagles makes me think they might not be that bad…but they are that bad so never mind.
26. Cleveland Browns (1-2) – These guys have to learn how to finish teams off. They shouldn’t have lost this game.
25. Minnesota Vikings (1-2) – Just like the Jags, I’m just glad the Vikings came to their senses and gave the rookie Bridgewater some playing time. You think Matt Cassel actually hurt his toe? Puhhlease.
24. Buffalo Bills (2-1) – This loss was all circumstance. If the Bills weren’t down early, they wouldn’t have needed to pass the ball so much. Theres no reason that EJ Manuel should have 39 pass attempts. They got away from the running game and it hurt them. That being said, they still suck. Rob, why are you so high on this team?! They’re not good!!!
23. New York Jets (1-2) – For some reason, Rex Ryan still believes in Geno Smith. I need to know why. It doesn’t make any sense. Believing in the defense makes sense. The offense? Not so much. Its like every time Geno takes a step forward, he takes two steps (and in this case, interceptions) back.
22. Houston Texans (2-1) – Justin Pugh said the Texans defense basically called it quits in the second half and that was apparent. The Giants ran all over them and Ryan Fitzpatrick never felt comfortable in the pocket. I don’t think Arian Foster sitting out would have made a difference either.
21. Miami Dolphins (1-2) – Alright so maybe the Dolphins aren’t that good. Or maybe its just going to take time for Ryan Tannehill and Bill Lazer to get on the same page. Joe Philbin is nuts if he’s actually considering benching Tannehill in favor of…Matt Moore? No thank you.
20. New York Giants (1-2) – FINALLY! I know they’re not really a top 20 team but I think the Giants are about to turn the corner. Thats all I’m going to say about that. Just remember I said it.
19. Dallas Cowboys (2-1) – They put together the biggest comeback in team history to beat a team starting their third string quarterback. Let that sink in.
18. Carolina Panthers (2-1) – (No comment)
17. Kansas City Chiefs (1-2) – Did you know that Joe McKnight has been in the league for four seasons? Did you also know that he scored his first career touchdowns this past weekend? Not sure what that has to do with anything but I thought it was an interesting tidbit about a mediocre team.
16. Detroit Lions (2-1) – People say all the time that numbers never lie but in this game, the numbers sure are deceiving. Matt Stafford played like he was drunk and he gave the Packers every opportunity to take this game but ALL the credit…ALL OF IT…goes to the Lions defense.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers
14. Indianapolis Colts (1-2) – I don’t want to sound cliche but the Colts are the best 1-2 team in the league. Andrew Luck should have had a 5th touchdown in all honesty. Man, the Jaguars suck.
13. Atlanta Falcons (2-1) – What Atlanta did on Thursday Night Football was nothing short of disrespectful. How dare they beat up on a terrible team like that?
12. Baltimore Ravens (2-1) – Are they really going to use this Ray Rice thing as motivation for the whole season? Thats bound to lose steam, especially when they play better teams than Cleveland.
11. New Orleans Saints (1-2) – The Saints finally started to look like the Saints. The turning point might have been the personal foul from Captain Munnerlyn on Drew Brees. They also played the Minnesota Vikings, who aren’t exactly world beaters.
10. Green Bay Packers (1-2) – I know the Lions have a good pass rush and run defense but somehow the corners learned how to play defense too. Jordy Nelson was held in check and Aaron Rodgers couldn’t do anything. As good as the NFC West is, the NFC North might be just as competitive.
9. San Francisco 49ers (1-2) – The Niners are really behind the eight ball here. They’re already third in the division, maybe fourth behind the Rams. There’s a lot of football left to play so we’ll see how this plays out.
8. Arizona Cardinals (3-0) – Really says a lot about Carson Palmer when his backup can come in and play just as well, if not better. That defense is pretty damn good though, ain’t it?
7. Chicago Bears (2-1) – The Jets ineptitude is what really kept the Bears in this game. As good as the Bears looked, it was mostly because they took advantage of the mistakes that the Jets made. You can tell losing Peanut Tillman hurt them but Kyle Fuller will develop into a solid player.
6. San Diego Chargers (2-1) – Don’t be surprised when the Chargers start upsetting some of these teams up at the top. Just because Danny Woodhead is out doesn’t mean Phillip Rivers still won’t style on some of these clowns. He’s putting together a solid season and carrying his team to the playoffs. Mark it down.
5. New England Patriots (2-1) – I’m not impressed with these guys. They barely beat a terrible Oakland team. But you play the teams on your schedule right?
4. Cincinnati Bengals (3-0) – I like this sneaky good Bengals team a lot. They run the ball well, they have a legitimate superstar at wide receiver and a guy at quarterback that could become the next great regular season quarterback. He’ll be Peyton Manning circa 2006.
3. Philadelphia Eagles (3-0) – Being the best team in a terrible division is like finishing first in the— you know what…I’m not even going to say it.
2. Denver Broncos (2-1) – What did we learn about the Broncos this weekend? We learned that The Sheriff doesn’t need timeouts, the defense is much improved and if theres a Super Bowl rematch, it’ll be a lot closer.
1. Seattle Seahawks (2-1) – What did we learn about the Seahawks this weekend? We learned that they don’t lose back to back games, especially at home. We learned that teams can pass on them and we learned that Richard Sherman doesn’t always talk…but he should.
Rob
32. Jacksonville Jaguars – Okay, maybe I texted Stan a few dozen times during the Thursday night making fun of him for not thinking the Buccaneers were a bottom three team. And maybe I shamed him into dropping them to a made up position. Even still, the Jaguars are pathetic.
31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – BUT THE BUCS ARE A DAMN CLOSE SECOND. What a miserable effort. Just about the worst attempt at winning possible. Josh McCown!
30. Oakland Raiders – Oakland now has the terrific honor of being the best out of the three teams that are clearly the worst in the league. If there was a new rule in the NFL where talented players were banned from playing, the Raiders would be Super Bowl contenders.
29. St. Louis Rams –
28. Tennessee Titans – The Rams and the Titans are the same team. I don’t care which team is ranked at 29 and which is up at 28. My reasoning? The Rams are stuck with a semi-talented team that is poorly coached and led by a quarterback they did not want to see on the field this year.
The Titans are a semi-talented team that is mediocrely coached a led by a quarterback that they SPECIFICALLY DRAFTED IN THE FIRST ROUND TO BE THE FACE OF THE FRANCHISE. The Titans story is a little bit sadder, but the Rams team is a little bit worse.
27. Washington Redskins- Kirk Cousins, who looks good in Jay Gruden’s offense, is now on pace to being the version of Andy Dalton that isn’t even good enough to make the playoffs.
26. Minnesota Vikings – I am so ready for the Teddy Bridgewater era. Matt Cassel stinks. Not in the, the team is about to implode because I’m so bad kind of way. In the, I am going to look just competent to put up two touchdowns in a 27-17 loss kind of way.
If the quarterback is going to lose, at least let him lose while proving the entire league that it is absolutely looney that he was available with the last pick of the first round. I mean come on Stan, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!
25. Miami Dolphins – Really Miami? Losing to the possibly-sneaky-good Bills was one thing, but the positively-truly-bad-and-without-Jamaal-Charles Chiefs? That is a problem. Even worse, they are considering benching their quarterback and their defense is openly questioning the defensive scheme.
Side note: I coach JV Football, so I know a thing or two about schemes. The Dolphins’ game plan should have been as follows.
A.) Don’t let their atrocious offensive line block you
B.) Don’t let their backup running backs barrel through you
C.) Don’t let their bad quarterback throw the ball to their bad receivers without any resistance
D.) Hope your offense scores ten points and win by double digits
24. Kansas City Chiefs – Every player on the offense is bad at football, except Knile Davis, who is alright when he isn’t constantly fumbling. They beat the Dolphins badly.
23. New York Giants – For some reason, Rex Ryan Tom Coughlin still believes in Geno Smith Eli Manning. I need to know why. It doesn’t make any sense. Believing in the defense makes sense. The offense? Not so much. Its like every time Geno Eli takes a step forward, he takes two steps (and in this case, interceptions) back.
Wait for the two steps back. If it doesn’t come this Thursday, then it won’t be long after.
22. Cleveland Browns – I think the Browns have some kind of moxie that is transcending their talent level. Since none of the teams above them have any amount of talent significantly outmatching them, I will bump them up here just for being a bunch of go-hards.
21. Carolina Panthers – I can’t believe the Panthers started off 2-0, even if one of those games was against the Buccaneers who might forfeit the season. Losing to the Steelers was more along the lines of what I expected from the Cam Newton and Co.
20. Houston Texans – This is the section for a series of jokes I’ve been working on at open mics this week:
The Giants’ offensive line looks impressive.
The Giants’ quarterback looks impressive.
Rashad Jennings looks impressive.
19. New York Jets – The Jets really had the Bears and Packers on the ropes in consecutive weeks. Now they have the Lions. I thought the Jets would start 1-6. I am feeling decent about that prediction.
18. Baltimore Ravens – STEVE SMITH VERSUS THE PANTHERS COULD BE THE GREATEST THING EVER!
17. Detroit Lions – The Lions were really bad in their win against the Packers. They seem like a really bad matchup for the Jets, and losing to both Jersey teams in the same season would be embarrassing.
16. Dallas Cowboys – 34 points on the Rams is impressive to me. I think this offensive has the potential to be amongst the best in the NFL. And I don’t care how many points the defense gives up, even against bad offenses, because anything less than infinity is a positive for this team.
15. Buffalo Bills – Losing to the Chargers is extremely respectable at the moment. This Bills team is flawed, but they are definitely not terrible.
14. Atlanta Falcons – The Bucs stink. Julio Jones is incredible. Thursday’s win was not at all surprising.
13. Pittsburgh Steelers – After they lost to the Ravens, I thought they might be a horrible team. I think they are not horrible, but they aren’t good either. They also are dropping like flies on defense.
12. Indianapolis Colts – Normally I would write off the win because they beat the Jaguars, but this team needed to beat anyone. Andrew Luck can’t win playoff games if he doesn’t win regular season games.
11. Chicago Bears – The Bears struggled against the Jets, and with both Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery banged up, this team is down its two best players.
10. Green Bay Packers – Ugly. Don’t worry Aaron Rodgers, I am relaxed, but that was ugly.
9. San Francisco 49ers – I think this 49ers team is really good. They will fix these second half issues, but they cannot fall too far behind in the win column.
8. New Orleans Saints – They have a win on the board, and they are only a game behind a Panthers team that I think can’t play at all. Still, Drew Brees and his buddies were unimpressive against the Vikings.
7. Arizona Cardinals – Drew Stanton is bad, but he has two wins under his belt. The Cardinals have three. I don’t know how long they can keep it up, but they definitely have a few things they can lean on.
6. Philadelphia Eagles – The Eagles are 3-0. Very nice. One of those wins was against the Jaguars. A little less nice. The other two wins were against teams who are a combined 2-4, with both of those two wins coming against the Jaguars. Way less nice.
5. Cincinnati Bengals – Yes, the Bengals definitely seem like the best team through three games. Would they be the favorites against the Chargers, Patriots, or Broncos in a playoff game. Probably not.
4. San Diego Chargers
3. New England Patriots
2. Denver Broncos – I would have never believed that four of the top five teams in my power rankings would be AFC teams. Not ever. Actually, I thought the top four teams would eventually all be NFC teams. These four teams have all played really well for at least 10 our of the 12 quarters of footballs so far. Go AFC, keep it coming.
1. Seattle Seahawks – Best team in the league until otherwise noted.
