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Week 1 picks

Every year, I claim to be quite the prognosticator. I know that barring any huge collapses, I can pick nearly 80% of the week’s game correctly. Thats right. 80%. Ever seen that movie, “Two For the Money” with Matthew McConaughey and Al Pacino? I’m like Matthew McConaughey except I don’t take my shirt off at any given chance, and I’m not a giant douche. Okay, fine. I probably would take my shirt off whenever I get a chance… but I’m still not a giant douche.

The point is, I know football, and every week, I’m going to post my picks along with a little analysis. Don’t be scared by the crazy terminology like “point spread” and “margin of victory” and “the.” I’ll keep things simple. Home team in caps. Winner in bol. And please, don’t use me to try to get rich, pay your way through college, or get out of debt. I’m only human, I make mistakes and I don’t want to be the reason for your “accident” down that flight of stairs.

GIANTS over Redskins- Do you really expect Jim Zorn to win this opener? Especially with his defense? Too much pressure. A rookie head coach against the defending Super Bowl Champs? Plus Jason Taylor is a game time decision. I’d pick the Giants even if I wasn’t a fan. Its a new offense for Jason Campbell, those recievers are still learning, and the Redskins defense hasn’t done much.

Lions over FALCONS- I think Matt Ryan is good but he’ll struggle like all rookie quarterbacks do. I don’t think the Lions defense is all that great but it’ll be just enough for keep the Falcons down. And besides, Calvin Johnson and Roy Williams are both healthy, and Jon Kitna can play, whether he’s sane or not.

BILLS over Seahawks- If I had to pick one upset to pick this week, this would be the one. I like the Bills defense, and their offense isn’t so bad either. I’m not saying it’ll be a decisive win, but I like Buffalo’s chances.

Jaguars over TITANS- The Titans had one job to do in the offseason- get Vince Young some wide receivers. Did they do it? Not so much. They didn’t draft a receiver until
the 4th round, and in this past draft, thats saying something. The Jaguars defense is significantly better than it was last season. I like the Jags here.

Jets over DOLPHINS- I’m actually hoping the Dolphins make another bid for 0-16. They aren’t that much better on either side of the ball, and somehow they managed to get worse on defense. The Jets spent over 100 million dollars in the offseason before trading for Brett Favre. The Jets want to win now, and this game is a good start.

PATRIOTS over Chiefs- The Chiefs have improved this offseason, but the Pats offense is still intact. As long as Moss and Brady are healthy, that team is scary.

SAINTS over Buccanneers- The Saints were missing a few pieces and they filled both those gaps. They needed an impact player on defense, and they traded for Jonathan Vilma. Then they got an underrated player in Randall Gay. They needed an impact player on offense, and they got Jeremy Shockey. Believe me, the combination of Sean Payton and Jeremy Shockey is going to be good for the Saints. I’ll even go as far as to say they’ll win the NFC South.

EAGLES over Rams- I like the Rams offense, but not that defense. At least not the entire defense. Basically, I like Leonard Little and Chris Long. But thats it. They barely have a linebacking corps and a secondary. McNabb should have a field day.

STEELERS over Texans- I think this game could be closer than most people think. The Texans defense is pretty good but the Steelers have home field advantage here.

Bengals over RAVENS- As good as Joe Flacco might have looked in preseason, Carson Palmer knows how to win in this league. If anyone can find a way to score on the Ravens, its him.

CHARGERS over Panthers– The Panthers will be without Steve Smith… lets be real. Even with him, the Panthers would have trouble against one of the best secondary units in football.

Cardinals over 49ERS– Did you hear that J.T. O’Sullivan is starting for the Niners? Yeah. Thats all I have to say.

Cowboys over BROWNS– I think this is going to be a high scoring game but the Cowboys are going to come out on top. The Cowboys are the most improved team among those that won more than 12 games. The Browns look good, but I don’t know if it’s going going to be enough. Deep down, I’m hoping Shaun Rogers breaks through the line and puts Romo on the shelf for the season. That should ensure my Giants the division.

COLTS over Bears– The Bears can’t decide on a quarterback or an identity. I like the Colts.

Vikings over PACKERS– No more Brett, no more easy wins in the NFC North. AP= All Day.

Broncos over RAIDERS– I think Jay Cutler is finally ready to take the Broncos to the next level. He’s matured in the offseason and he’s got a good team around him.

As always, here’s a few thoughts about what’s going on in the sports world.

– So Tatum Bell got cut to make room for Rudi Johnson, and then Johnson accused Bell of stealing his luggage. First off, who the hell steals luggage? Second, talk about adding insult to injury. Not only do you get cut for a player at the same position, but then he accuses you of stealing his underwear? Wow.

– Did Yankee fans really think that the Yanks would never miss the playoffs? Look at it this way, the next time they do win a World Series, it’ll be that much sweeter.

– Met fans… do us real fans a favor and stop caring about what the Yankees do. They’re in another league. We don’t play them that often. We won’t play against them until next May. Let’s focus on our team.

– I really thought CC Sabathia threw a no-hitter against the Pirates, but I will say this- the ump made a really good point about it being a one-hitter instead.

– As a baseball fan, I can’t wait for David Price to come up to the majors. I have a feeling he’s going to be a fantasy stud. Imagine a fantasy baseball rotation with him and Joba. That’d be sick.

– I’m tired of people comparing Venus and Serena. I say we fuse them into one uber-tennis player.

– Finally, I was thinking the other night about how much I despise Dustin Pedroia… mostly because he’s in Boston and not Flushing. But then I thought about how much some Red Sox fan must hate Jose Reyes because he’s a Met. For a quick second, I almost stopped hating Pedroia. Key word? Almost.

The Queens native handles all things football on KeepingItRealSports.com. Stan attended Holy Cross High School in Flushing, Queens and SUNY Old Westbury. He's spent his post graduate career in different parts of the media, as an editorial assistant, a production assistant and a board operator. He can be followed on twitter @FunnyManStan and routinely performs standup comedy all over New York City.

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