Home Articles/Editorials 2014 NFL Power Rankings – Week 6

2014 NFL Power Rankings – Week 6

Hey guys, Stan here. I don’t have any funny quips or movie lines this time. I’m a little down. Victor Cruz went down, the Giants got shut out and there was a tie last week in the NFL. I hate ties. I’m not going to be cliche and say that ties are like kissing your sister, but I will say that ties suck. Ties are the reason I refuse to watch soccer unless its during the World Cup. And of course, when theres a tie in the NFL, theres gotta be that one idiot that comes out and says, “I didn’t know there were ties in the NFL.” How do you not know there are ties in the NFL? Don’t football players watch the NFL? If you worked at McDonald’s would you also “not know” that theres a dollar menu?

Stan

32. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-6) – So terrible…so so terrible.

31. Oakland Raiders (0-5) – They scored 28 points. Kudos to them.

30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-5) – Hurry up and win one more game so you can be the worst 2 win team in the league! You know you’re bad when you make Joe Flacco look like the greatest quarterback in the history of the world.

29. St Louis Rams (1-4) – Man that got outta hand in the second half didn’t it? Hell it got outta hand 12 seconds before halftime. How about covering Brandon Lloyd guys? How about it?

28. Washington Redskins (1-5) – Sucks when you can’t run the ball, right?

27. New York Jets (1-5) – Jace Amaro and Rex Ryan’s post game press conferences are the only reasons left to watch this team. Maybe Matt Simms possibly getting some playing time is a distant third. Did you know that Geno Smith led the team in rushing this past weekend? With 11 yards? Yeah.

26. Minnesota Vikings (2-4) – Oh they’re bad. But who wouldn’t look bad against that really really good Lions defensive line?

25. Tennessee Titans (2-4) – I’d say they’re the worst 2 win team in the league but there are a lot of bad 2-4 teams.

24. Buffalo Bills (3-3) – I really wish the Bills had won so they could make things interesting in the AFC East. Instead they handed a mediocre Patriots team a win.

23. Houston Texans (3-3) – I know I’m lower on the Texans than Rob is but its because they suck. Thats my answer for that.

22. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-3) – Remember where you were when the Steelers died. The AFC North is tough and they might be the worst team in the division.

21. New York Giants (3-3) – Ugh. Cruz is done, they’re third in the division and there are still 10 games left. I better stop now before I drive myself to drinking…more than usual.

20. Atlanta Falcons (2-4) – Can we get the Navy SEALs from Zero Dark Thirty to rescue Matt Ryan from this awful team? At the very least can we convince Mike Smith to give Antone Smith more touches?

19. Miami Dolphins (2-3) – They probably should have won this game but they fell for the old fake spike. Isn’t it ironic that the Dolphins lost on a play that Dan Marino once ran against the Jets?

18. Carolina Panthers (3-2-1) – A tie. Ugh. At least Cam started running again. Made my fantasy team happy. Too bad I still lost.

17. Cleveland Browns (3-2) – THESE GUYS GOT MOXIE! I love em. Now if they could only do something about those jerseys.

16. Kansas City Chiefs (2-3) – I get why Rob has them so low. I probably should too but I figured I’d wait until after San Diego destroys them next week.

15. Detroit Lions (4-2) – How long before we start talking about Ziggy Ansah the way we talked about JPP?

14. Dallas Cowboys (5-1) – Please don’t make me say good things about the Cowboys. I already have to say good things about the Eagles.

13. Chicago Bears (3-3) – Its a shame this terrible defense is wasting a virtuoso performance week after week by a man that shares an affliction with me. Take from that what you will.

12. Cincinnati Bengals (3-1-1) – I only dropped them because everyone above them actually won a game. Stupid ties.

11. Baltimore Ravens (4-2) – I know a guy named Papa Steve that could do what Joe Flacco did to the Buccaneers. Rob knows him too. Ask Rob about him. He’s legendary.* [see footnote from Rob below]

10. New Orleans Saints (2-3) – Things have gone south really quickly for these guys. Luckily they come off the bye week and play at home.

9. Arizona Cardinals (4-1) – This is easily the most depressing four win team in the league. They were excited to have Carson Palmer back. CARSON PALMER!!

8. Indianapolis Colts (4-2) – I feel grateful to be able to watch Andrew Luck play football. And you should too.

7. Green Bay Packers (4-2) – I also feel grateful to be able to watch Aaron Rodgers play football. And you should too.

6. New England Patriots (4-2) – Ladies and gentlemen, your 2014-2015 AFC East Champions.

5. San Francisco 49ers (4-2) – Its crazy but I couldn’t really move a few of these top ten teams up because they all beat the teams they were supposed to beat. Yay for parity!

4. Philadelphia Eagles (5-1) – How is this defense so good? It doesn’t make any sense. The corners suck. Did they just copy the 2007 Giants?

3. Seattle Seahawks (3-2) – You know what happens when the three most important parts of your team (defense, running game and quarterback) all decide to take the day off? You lose to the Cowboys and give that fan base more to be happy about. Ugh.

2. San Diego Chargers (5-1) – I don’t necessarily think they’re better than the Seahawks but I don’t think the Cowboys can beat them like they beat the Seahawks.

1. Denver Broncos (4-1) – What else is new?

*Papa Steve is a man amongst boys. Literally, he is my friend’s dad who is way cooler than his son and played quarterback for our flag team and was awesome despite being 45 playing with all 20 year olds. He also is a mean chef and makes a blueberry mojito to die for. Not that Stan would know with his “affliction” that he shares with a prominent member of the Bears.

Rob

32. Jacksonville Jaguars – So awful…so so awful.

31. Oakland Raiders – Nice effort against the Chargers.

30. Tennessee Titans – Really Stan? A two point win over the Jaguars and we are going to move the Titans up to 25?

29. Washington Redskins – Kirk Cousins is the worst quarterback in football.

28. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – I will admit, last week I said the Bucs were just outside the worst five teams in the NFL. They deserve to be in that top five bad teams.

27. St. Louis Rams – At least they try hard, right?

26. New York Jets – Thank God for the Raiders, right?

25. Minnesota Vikings – The Teddy Bridgewater magic didn’t wear off already, did it?

24. New York Giants – Not an awful job by Stan. I expected to see the Giants up around 16 with his homerism.

One quick note to make Stan feel better. Victor Cruz is super replaceable and while I know the team will miss his speed and I hate seeing anyone get hurt, this injury shouldn’t effect the offense at all. Odell Beckham Jr. should fill in easy if he stays healthy. Holy Cross graduate Kevin Ogletree has enough speed to fill in out of the slot, and a little more size and at least equal hands, if not better. The chemistry won’t be there, but the talent drop off is not huge.

23. Carolina Panthers – The Panthers just got a big tie against the Bengals. Only took a missed 36-yard field goal to propel them to victory.

22. Miami Dolphins – They almost stole a huge one, and I doubt they will be able to keep themselves in position to compete with the big boys many more times this season.

21. Pittsburgh Steelers – Bad job, Steelers. Bad job.

20. Kansas City Chiefs – The Chiefs’ defense has impressed me, and Alex Smith is still a good enough quarterback if everything else is clicking.

19. Buffalo Bills – One of my favorite defenses in football gave up 38 points this week. I think that says more about the Patriots than the Bills.

18. Houston Texans – I think the Texans compete. With them and the Bills so low, I think Stan must hate defense. I think he is homophobic and racist as well, but I am iffy on proof.

17. Atlanta Falcons – Speaking of defense, a team that refuses to employ one needs to score more than 13 points against a team that stinks on the defensive side of the ball.

16. Cleveland Browns – The Browns are playing ball man. Don’t mess with Brian Hoyer.

15. Baltimore Ravens – That was an impressive showing from Joe Flacco and company. Steve Smith might punch this team into the playoffs by himself.

14. Detroit Lions – Another big time defense. They need to get healthy on offense to seal the deal, especially in that division.

13. Chicago Bears – I still have the Bears getting the slightest of nods over the Lions, because I think the offense is just more explosive.

12. New Orleans Saints – A week off might have been the only thing that keeps the Saints from free falling down this list.

11. Arizona Cardinals – The return of Carson Palmer reminded me of two things. First, this team is pretty good. Second, pretty good is also this team’s ceiling.

10. Cincinnati Bengals – Without A.J. Green, you would think that this team is basically the Texans in Halloween colors. Of course they then run up 37 points on the Panthers, and come away with a tie anyway. Poor Bengals fans.

9. Indianapolis Colts – Andrew Luck can do anything. Andrew Luck can do everything.

8. Philadelphia Eagles – A shutout against the Giants is nice, but putting them ahead of the 49ers is still a little too confident for me Stanley.

7. Dallas Cowboys – The Dallas Freaking Cowboys! I strongly considered throwing them up as high as 3. This is a football team. Stan, what do they have to do to earn your respect?

6. New England Patriots – That 38 spot against the Bills keeps the Patriots ahead of the Cowboys for now, but can’t slip them past the Packers.

5. Green Bay Packers – Big win for the Pack. Not as easy as I thought it would be, but in the heat of Miami, they got a much needed victory with the Lions and Bears breathing down their neck.

4. San Francisco 49ers – The 49ers are crazy good. I know the Eagles played them close, but I can’t keep the Eagles in the top five on special teams alone.

3. San Diego Chargers – The Chargers got a scare against the Raiders, and it is a reminder that this is a very limited team. However, they know their limits better than any other team in the NFL, and that keeps them afloat through through six games.

2. Denver Broncos – The Broncos took care of business against a bad Jets team that should be a great matchup for them. The Jets can’t score and has no corners that can play, yet had the ball down only one touchdown late in the fourth quarter.

1. Seattle Seahawks – I am glad everyone knows exactly how to beat the Seahawks, especially since the Cowboys and Chargers both play the exact same style of football. Keep the game in third and manageable all day, and convert on third down in the biggest spots. The Seahawks will be fine, but anyone who thought they were untouchable isn’t watching the NFC. The Packers, Cowboys, and 49ers are all basically on even ground with them, and the Eagles aren’t far behind. The Saints could be in that mix too if they get their act together.

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